I have moved to word press....
http://bkocka.wordpress.com/
check it! (I think blogger hates that I've moved to a wordpress, so it wont let me link to it. ha.)
Monday, June 11, 2007
Friday, June 08, 2007
death cab for cutie: it makes me emo
My cd player on my computer at work isn't working, so I am using IMEEM to listen to tunes. A friend of mine whom I go to church with turned me onto IMEEM. So I am listening to Death Cab for Cutie. I love them, but I mean seriously all their music is about love. The kind of love you long to have in your life; the kind you find in fairy tales.
But here's the thing... I don't need a fairy tale. Fairy tales aren't real. I want a man who just loves me and will be there for me when the fairy tale goes bad. I don't need a man, and God is continually teaching me to look to Him [God] for my needs; however I know that He has instilled in me the desire for a man to spend the rest of my life with for His [God's] purpose.
So, here I sit.
Emo.
Listening to music that is bitter, broken and about love between a man and a woman, and it makes me think of the fairy tale I once had for such a short time. But then, as they always do, it went bad.
God can work even in this.
But here's the thing... I don't need a fairy tale. Fairy tales aren't real. I want a man who just loves me and will be there for me when the fairy tale goes bad. I don't need a man, and God is continually teaching me to look to Him [God] for my needs; however I know that He has instilled in me the desire for a man to spend the rest of my life with for His [God's] purpose.
So, here I sit.
Emo.
Listening to music that is bitter, broken and about love between a man and a woman, and it makes me think of the fairy tale I once had for such a short time. But then, as they always do, it went bad.
God can work even in this.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
protest and prayer: abortion
I am a rather conflicted person. It is birthed out of compassion for people living in sin—which we all are, however some of us are choosing to fallow the Lord and throw off sin, take up our cross and die to ourselves.
Well over a year ago I was in a relationship that I wanted to be "it". I was in fact, ready to be married (or so I thought). I grew up committing myself and my body to the Lord. No one person forced me into this. I decided this entirely on my own. I decided I was going to be a virgin until I was married. Little did I know that serious commitment seeks different forms of expression. When on person (male to a female or female to male) is committed to another, for a life time, we are called to "become one" with that person. I was so madly in love with my then boyfriend and so committed to being his for the rest of our lives that that commitment called for a "oneness".
I gave in to the "oneness". Keep in mind this wasn't birthed out of lust. I really want to clarify that. If I wanted to just have sex then I wouldn't have been in a long term relationship. This was a well thought over process. I wanted to be with this man for the rest of my life.
Fast forward to now... That relationship wasn't it. The Father was calling me back to Him; for I had strayed far. He was seeking me out. I returned—the prodigal daughter.
While I was in this previous relationship I used birth control. I knew I wasn't ready to be a mother, and while yes, the fruit of a sexual relationship is birthing a child and two becoming one, I knew "better" if you will. I knew that I wasn't ready for a kid. I didn't want to tell my parents I needed birth control, and if I went to our family doctor it would be billed to my dads insurance meaning he would find out, and my secret would be found out. The whole situation was wrong, and outside of the Fathers plan for me. I knew it every second of every day, but I continued. So, I went to Planned Parenthood. They were there with me, to guide me through a somewhat hard emotional and physical journey that I wouldn't allow my parents, or my Father in heaven to be part of.
This weekend, some friends of mine are heading to the local abortion clinic to silently protest and pray for the reversal of roe vs. wade. They will camp out with red tape over their mouths with the word "life" written on it, praying.
While I am anti-abortion; believing that the life of a child is right at conception, I am also pro-choice. The world tells us it is a woman’s body (even if it is a temple for the Lord) and she does get to choose what she wants to do with it—however the choice is not hers to make about the life of another, that being the child she is carrying in her womb. I do not and will not ever advocate for abortion. But part of me advocates for Planned Parenthood, or any other "free clinic" being a refuge to guys and girls in troubling places, needing birth control, std and sti tests, et al because I have been there. In a time when I was lost and confused they were there to help me. In an ideal world I would not have been so stupid and careless, and would have turned to my Father in heaven.
However we do not live in an ideal world.
So what do we do? While yes, the intention behind the life-tape prayer and protest things are good and it is important to bring public awareness to abortions, and the Father does desire justice for the unborn I don’t necessarily agree with the way a lot of folks are going about it. I wonder if they are being too vocal? Do we need to sit outside of a clinic like that? Or do we actually need to just shut up for five seconds and love someone, take them in and really just LOVE ON THEM? If someone would have done that with me the first time I walked into Planned Parenthood in Uptown things could have been different with me.
In the book of John it says “they will know we are Christians by our love” not “they will know we are Christians by our politically-charged-prayer and protests.” We need to go into the secret place and cry out. It’s in the secret place He sees us, meets us and changes us (Matthew 6). And I wonder, have people doing these protests actually asked the Lord “Is it okay to do this life protest and prayer thing on Saturday? Is this what you would have for us, Lord?” So many of us forget (myself included) to ask the Lord if it’s okay. We pray about it thinking that that will do the trick, when in reality we need to quiet ourselves and listen to His still, small voice speaking to our hearts, praying that His Holy Spirit would come and discern on our behalf. He has to give us permission otherwise we are vainly seeking after His justice which may not be ordained by Him at that exact moment.
But, maybe I am wrong. I know that the intentions of the people’s hearts are in line with our Father in regards to abortions and the prayer of the reversal of roe v wade, but what about the fallow through?
All I know is if I was walking into any clinic and there were people sitting outside of it with "life" taped over their mouth, protesting about what I am about to go do inside those doors I would feel hate and condemnation by those people, instead of feeling the Fathers love for us.
And this I know, I am called to love as the Lord has loved, not condemn.
Well over a year ago I was in a relationship that I wanted to be "it". I was in fact, ready to be married (or so I thought). I grew up committing myself and my body to the Lord. No one person forced me into this. I decided this entirely on my own. I decided I was going to be a virgin until I was married. Little did I know that serious commitment seeks different forms of expression. When on person (male to a female or female to male) is committed to another, for a life time, we are called to "become one" with that person. I was so madly in love with my then boyfriend and so committed to being his for the rest of our lives that that commitment called for a "oneness".
I gave in to the "oneness". Keep in mind this wasn't birthed out of lust. I really want to clarify that. If I wanted to just have sex then I wouldn't have been in a long term relationship. This was a well thought over process. I wanted to be with this man for the rest of my life.
Fast forward to now... That relationship wasn't it. The Father was calling me back to Him; for I had strayed far. He was seeking me out. I returned—the prodigal daughter.
While I was in this previous relationship I used birth control. I knew I wasn't ready to be a mother, and while yes, the fruit of a sexual relationship is birthing a child and two becoming one, I knew "better" if you will. I knew that I wasn't ready for a kid. I didn't want to tell my parents I needed birth control, and if I went to our family doctor it would be billed to my dads insurance meaning he would find out, and my secret would be found out. The whole situation was wrong, and outside of the Fathers plan for me. I knew it every second of every day, but I continued. So, I went to Planned Parenthood. They were there with me, to guide me through a somewhat hard emotional and physical journey that I wouldn't allow my parents, or my Father in heaven to be part of.
This weekend, some friends of mine are heading to the local abortion clinic to silently protest and pray for the reversal of roe vs. wade. They will camp out with red tape over their mouths with the word "life" written on it, praying.
While I am anti-abortion; believing that the life of a child is right at conception, I am also pro-choice. The world tells us it is a woman’s body (even if it is a temple for the Lord) and she does get to choose what she wants to do with it—however the choice is not hers to make about the life of another, that being the child she is carrying in her womb. I do not and will not ever advocate for abortion. But part of me advocates for Planned Parenthood, or any other "free clinic" being a refuge to guys and girls in troubling places, needing birth control, std and sti tests, et al because I have been there. In a time when I was lost and confused they were there to help me. In an ideal world I would not have been so stupid and careless, and would have turned to my Father in heaven.
However we do not live in an ideal world.
So what do we do? While yes, the intention behind the life-tape prayer and protest things are good and it is important to bring public awareness to abortions, and the Father does desire justice for the unborn I don’t necessarily agree with the way a lot of folks are going about it. I wonder if they are being too vocal? Do we need to sit outside of a clinic like that? Or do we actually need to just shut up for five seconds and love someone, take them in and really just LOVE ON THEM? If someone would have done that with me the first time I walked into Planned Parenthood in Uptown things could have been different with me.
In the book of John it says “they will know we are Christians by our love” not “they will know we are Christians by our politically-charged-prayer and protests.” We need to go into the secret place and cry out. It’s in the secret place He sees us, meets us and changes us (Matthew 6). And I wonder, have people doing these protests actually asked the Lord “Is it okay to do this life protest and prayer thing on Saturday? Is this what you would have for us, Lord?” So many of us forget (myself included) to ask the Lord if it’s okay. We pray about it thinking that that will do the trick, when in reality we need to quiet ourselves and listen to His still, small voice speaking to our hearts, praying that His Holy Spirit would come and discern on our behalf. He has to give us permission otherwise we are vainly seeking after His justice which may not be ordained by Him at that exact moment.
But, maybe I am wrong. I know that the intentions of the people’s hearts are in line with our Father in regards to abortions and the prayer of the reversal of roe v wade, but what about the fallow through?
All I know is if I was walking into any clinic and there were people sitting outside of it with "life" taped over their mouth, protesting about what I am about to go do inside those doors I would feel hate and condemnation by those people, instead of feeling the Fathers love for us.
And this I know, I am called to love as the Lord has loved, not condemn.
Monday, June 04, 2007
I watched this pretty cool video about who God is today... it relates to music and our understanding of having a relationship with God and why Jesus helps us understand who He is. Pretty interesting. The myspace profile that posted the video may be a bit sketchy, but after doing some research I found out that this video isn't produced by the person who posted it. Rather it is from a video series called NOOMA. I'd recommend going to NOOMA and seeing what they are all about, they are on the fringe of some pretty interesting spiritual stuff that really relates to our post modern society.
embryonic excess
embryonic excess
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Thursday, May 31, 2007
John Mark McMillan; The Song Inside the Sound of Breaking Down
just got the John Mark McMillan Cd in the mail... holy goodness. So much truth in it. It's a wonderful mix of folk-rock that makes you want to drive down a dirt road, windows down, blasting the music and weeping at the truth found in it. It is provacative and the heart behind it is something that the mainstream-western-church is in desperate need of.
favorite song so far....
Closer
Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me bleedin'
cause I need more now than a fairy tale,
a god who lives in a book.
I need someone real.
So would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?
Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me on my knees,
cause I need more now than philosophy.
Some god in outer space doesn't mean anything to me.
So would you come?
Would you come?
If I begged you, would you come closer to me now?
Would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?
Son of David, do not pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.
Son of david, don't pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.
http://www.reverbnation.com/johnmarkmcmillan
go there and listen to it. Oofda (that was so Minnesotain of me...)
favorite song so far....
Closer
Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me bleedin'
cause I need more now than a fairy tale,
a god who lives in a book.
I need someone real.
So would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?
Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me on my knees,
cause I need more now than philosophy.
Some god in outer space doesn't mean anything to me.
So would you come?
Would you come?
If I begged you, would you come closer to me now?
Would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?
Son of David, do not pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.
Son of david, don't pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.
http://www.reverbnation.com/johnmarkmcmillan
go there and listen to it. Oofda (that was so Minnesotain of me...)
I'm keeping it light, today.
If you are a cyclist, you might appreciate this...
"While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium." http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
politics meet faith and values?
I decided today would be the day that I start checking in on the 2008 presidential candidates. I have just been poking around on Yahoo! NEWS. I don't know nearly enough about any of the candidates, so each day I think I will go onto every candidates web page and take a look through their issues, and then find some information about them from a non-biased source.
Today is Barak Obama.
I watched his speech on politics and religion and he said some things that were right on, however he also said some things that were way, way off. There is grace for that. Not any one presidential candidate will be 100% right... it will just be interesting to find the one who has the general "gist" of balanced politics.
Today is Barak Obama.
I watched his speech on politics and religion and he said some things that were right on, however he also said some things that were way, way off. There is grace for that. Not any one presidential candidate will be 100% right... it will just be interesting to find the one who has the general "gist" of balanced politics.
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