here comes the new one!

enter... Shiloh!

goodbye, angelina....

death cab for cutie: it makes me emo

My cd player on my computer at work isn't working, so I am using IMEEM to listen to tunes. A friend of mine whom I go to church with turned me onto IMEEM. So I am listening to Death Cab for Cutie. I love them, but I mean seriously all their music is about love. The kind of love you long to have in your life; the kind you find in fairy tales.

But here's the thing... I don't need a fairy tale. Fairy tales aren't real. I want a man who just loves me and will be there for me when the fairy tale goes bad. I don't need a man, and God is continually teaching me to look to Him [God] for my needs; however I know that He has instilled in me the desire for a man to spend the rest of my life with for His [God's] purpose.

So, here I sit.

Emo.

Listening to music that is bitter, broken and about love between a man and a woman, and it makes me think of the fairy tale I once had for such a short time. But then, as they always do, it went bad.

God can work even in this.

protest and prayer: abortion

I am a rather conflicted person. It is birthed out of compassion for people living in sin—which we all are, however some of us are choosing to fallow the Lord and throw off sin, take up our cross and die to ourselves.

Well over a year ago I was in a relationship that I wanted to be "it". I was in fact, ready to be married (or so I thought). I grew up committing myself and my body to the Lord. No one person forced me into this. I decided this entirely on my own. I decided I was going to be a virgin until I was married. Little did I know that serious commitment seeks different forms of expression. When on person (male to a female or female to male) is committed to another, for a life time, we are called to "become one" with that person. I was so madly in love with my then boyfriend and so committed to being his for the rest of our lives that that commitment called for a "oneness".

I gave in to the "oneness". Keep in mind this wasn't birthed out of lust. I really want to clarify that. If I wanted to just have sex then I wouldn't have been in a long term relationship. This was a well thought over process. I wanted to be with this man for the rest of my life.

Fast forward to now... That relationship wasn't it. The Father was calling me back to Him; for I had strayed far. He was seeking me out. I returned—the prodigal daughter.

While I was in this previous relationship I used birth control. I knew I wasn't ready to be a mother, and while yes, the fruit of a sexual relationship is birthing a child and two becoming one, I knew "better" if you will. I knew that I wasn't ready for a kid. I didn't want to tell my parents I needed birth control, and if I went to our family doctor it would be billed to my dads insurance meaning he would find out, and my secret would be found out. The whole situation was wrong, and outside of the Fathers plan for me. I knew it every second of every day, but I continued. So, I went to Planned Parenthood. They were there with me, to guide me through a somewhat hard emotional and physical journey that I wouldn't allow my parents, or my Father in heaven to be part of.

This weekend, some friends of mine are heading to the local abortion clinic to silently protest and pray for the reversal of roe vs. wade. They will camp out with red tape over their mouths with the word "life" written on it, praying.

While I am anti-abortion; believing that the life of a child is right at conception, I am also pro-choice. The world tells us it is a woman’s body (even if it is a temple for the Lord) and she does get to choose what she wants to do with it—however the choice is not hers to make about the life of another, that being the child she is carrying in her womb. I do not and will not ever advocate for abortion. But part of me advocates for Planned Parenthood, or any other "free clinic" being a refuge to guys and girls in troubling places, needing birth control, std and sti tests, et al because I have been there. In a time when I was lost and confused they were there to help me. In an ideal world I would not have been so stupid and careless, and would have turned to my Father in heaven.

However we do not live in an ideal world.

So what do we do? While yes, the intention behind the life-tape prayer and protest things are good and it is important to bring public awareness to abortions, and the Father does desire justice for the unborn I don’t necessarily agree with the way a lot of folks are going about it. I wonder if they are being too vocal? Do we need to sit outside of a clinic like that? Or do we actually need to just shut up for five seconds and love someone, take them in and really just LOVE ON THEM? If someone would have done that with me the first time I walked into Planned Parenthood in Uptown things could have been different with me.

In the book of John it says “they will know we are Christians by our love” not “they will know we are Christians by our politically-charged-prayer and protests.” We need to go into the secret place and cry out. It’s in the secret place He sees us, meets us and changes us (Matthew 6). And I wonder, have people doing these protests actually asked the Lord “Is it okay to do this life protest and prayer thing on Saturday? Is this what you would have for us, Lord?” So many of us forget (myself included) to ask the Lord if it’s okay. We pray about it thinking that that will do the trick, when in reality we need to quiet ourselves and listen to His still, small voice speaking to our hearts, praying that His Holy Spirit would come and discern on our behalf. He has to give us permission otherwise we are vainly seeking after His justice which may not be ordained by Him at that exact moment.

But, maybe I am wrong. I know that the intentions of the people’s hearts are in line with our Father in regards to abortions and the prayer of the reversal of roe v wade, but what about the fallow through?

All I know is if I was walking into any clinic and there were people sitting outside of it with "life" taped over their mouth, protesting about what I am about to go do inside those doors I would feel hate and condemnation by those people, instead of feeling the Fathers love for us.

And this I know, I am called to love as the Lord has loved, not condemn.

I watched this pretty cool video about who God is today... it relates to music and our understanding of having a relationship with God and why Jesus helps us understand who He is. Pretty interesting. The myspace profile that posted the video may be a bit sketchy, but after doing some research I found out that this video isn't produced by the person who posted it. Rather it is from a video series called NOOMA. I'd recommend going to NOOMA and seeing what they are all about, they are on the fringe of some pretty interesting spiritual stuff that really relates to our post modern society.

embryonic excess

drum roll please...... I would like to announce my acceptance to St. Stephens University's affiliated program; The Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies.

The school is located in New Brunswick, Canada. The program is 1 year, and the certificate recived is applicable to another 3 years at SSU. Class starts September 6!

So hey everyone... I'm moving to the east coast in August!

rip angelina

Angelina, the name of my car (named after Angelina Jolie) got sandwiched between 2 cars today on highway 62 west bound.

RIP Angelina, you were good to me for almost a year. We'll see if you can be revived once the insurance agent takes a nice, long look under your hood.

ridding ourselves of the line

I go through music phases. One day I will be listening to primarily christian worship albums—nothing overly exciting, just the usual. Then, I get into a stage of listening to secular music. What I find disheartening about music, and society is general is this vast need for terminology and segregation. Why can't music just be music? Why does there have to be this split? There is so much awesome-spiritual-music out there by people who are considered "secular artist", and there is that line that divides "us from them". God asks us to be set apart, but He also asks us to be part of this world. In the world but not of it.

I personally want my music to minister to everyone, not something contingent on a person’s spiritual journey. And if you think about it, every person in the world is on a spiritual journey. There is no segregating line. All that is black and white is whether we are actively choosing God, or actively choosing everything but God, and in that we are set apart.

I am seeing more and more today this line of segregation. "Let's go out and save the heathens." We all are heathens. There need not be a line drawn in the sand. Maybe there is a stage of our spiritual walk where we are called to be in close community with other believes a majority of our time (and by no means am I saying that it is wrong to be in close community with people who share your values, beliefs and spiritual fervor) but there is another time where we are set apart to be in the world but not of the world. To rid ourselves of that line and embrace humanity in the beauty of its brokenness.

I went for a ride at lebanon last night. I really dig riding by myself. I find that place of solitude and peace even if there are other riders out there. I ran into my ex—kindof. It's good to know there are no hard feelings there. It is true proof that God does heal your heart in though situations.

I have to exercise a degree of self controll at work these days. They unblocked myspace, youtube, facebook, et al and I have this desperate urge to start logging into all my accounts at work. They unblocked them but are still monitoring our use of them because God forbid we actually have the slightest bit of entertainment while at work. However I am trying to be a bit more respectful while on my way out the door here at my job. It's just a matter of months and then I will be flying high, spreading my wings and doing my own thing (and getting a tattoo to match).

More details to come later.

knowledge of the heart

It's been a while since I've posted, hasn't it? I've been busy.

Okay okay maybe not, I just havn't had much to blog about. I'm trying to keep this blog "about" something, and I havn't had much to report in the department of christian theology, or worship. I'm just living life. There is a lot on my plate at the moment about what I will be doing and where I will be living within the next few months but nothing is official so I don't want to make a big fuss about it only to backout at the last second. let's just say the engines are churning and something sweet is being cooked up.

I am officially over my crush. It's a good feeling, actually. Now I can totally focus on Jesus without having a guy get in the way. And sometimes as unfortunate as it is dorky, no-big-deal crushes on guys after a breakup help the mending process. I wish that Jesus could be enough of a help to that process, but at times I avert my attention to another guy so I don't think about the ex so much, avert but don't act. But now, I don't think about the ex much nor do I even care about mr. crush-boaz-jesus lover. It's good. I'm happy in my singleness. It's the right place for me. I have so much I am going to do while I am single that God couldn't do if I was married.

I am learning that life is about the journey, not the destination. Cliche', right? Well no matter how cheesey and cliche' it sounds—it's truth. I am so tunnel visioned. I get so focused on the outcome of something, and getting to that outcome that I miss what it takes to get there. I now have the head knowledge drilled into me; it's good to have goals but we can't forget the now. So now I am learning to make it a reality not just a theory that I know in my head. And even more, I need it to turn even more into knowledge of the heart.

the day to day

I am finding the joy in the little things. Emails from friends, rocking out to music in my car. Playing the piano. Breathing the springtime air when I open the side door at work to put the mail outside, my dog. God can be found in all these things. He gives us these things because He loves us. It says in the bible that every good and perfect gift comes from His hand (James 1:17), and these things that I am learning to enjoy—those small things, I am loving and thanking Him for. I am especially thankful for all the new friendship I have encountered as of late. I am reaching out to people who I don't know but have always wanted to know and it is great. God is doing a good work in me through that.

I am preparing to play a worship set at the truebridge pastors conference in two days. Not only that but I am kicking the conference off. I am trying to not make it a big deal in my head but in my heart it feels like a lot of weight to be put on my shoulders. I sometimes doubt my abilities as a worship leader. Things have been off lately however today I found myself asking God to give me a life of worship, quite literally. I would rather just live from day to day on what God gives to me, travel around the world and minister to hurt and broken people through worship. I would rather do that for the rest of my life than go back to school. Although school is good, sometimes it doesn't feel like it has much eternal value. However me saying that will only put God in a box. I want to only desire to do what He wants me to do.

Still working on the crush thing. There is a man, who is a Boaz. But I am fixing my eyes on Jesus and you know what? It's working. It doesn't mean that I don't have that crush still, because I do, however I am not sold out to it and I still continually check my heart on it. I am not going to be the pursuer. If this guy is someone worth being my someone then in God's timing he will pursue me and until then, if then rather, I am learning that Jesus is more than enough.

i've made the transition

Sometimes I look at the reformed–charismatic movement and think "it's just a fad." It is in fact a fad. However that doesn't mean there isn't truth to be found within it. I love City Hill Fellowship because it is slightly reformed, charismatic and not afraid to move where the Holy Spirit leads the church. City Hill is becoming more and more well balanced with every passing day. So, I am not one for fads, and with the reformed–charismatic movement came the ESV Translated bible. After spending much time in prayer over whether or not I should make the switch from KJV to the ESV I finally did it. I didn't want to do it to fallow the fad, but I didn't want to not fallow the fad if it is something that I should do. So I did it. I bought an ESV Bible. I like it a lot and I am very excited to study out of it regularly.

This past weekend was a blast. Friday night I made enchiladas for Zach, Nathaniel and Seth. Then us four as well as Karen and Charlie sat around and talked about the young adult movement and where we are going to go next. We decided that by this Friday we were going to have a name to slap onto our once or twice a month meeting. I'm excited to see what we come up with. After that Zach, Nathaniel, Seth and I prayed for each other and I went home only to go to bed at about 3:00 am. Saturday I hung out with MarthaJoy a majority of the day and then she went with me to karaoke night at the Gills with a bunch of people from Prepare Ministries. It was pretty fun and we may have sung Mmboy and These Boots are Made for Walking. Sunday I woke up bright and early and led worship at church (which went really, really well). I got a word from former Senior Pastor Jim McCracken, which was pretty sweet. I then went over to Zach's where he, Karen, Charlie, Lisa, Nathaniel, Matt, Bonnie and I ate lunch together, played some ultimate frisbee (in the pouring rain), ate some ice cream, talked theology, everyone but Zach, Nathaniel and I left so we embraced MNT (Mutual Nap Time) while Zach read from The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer out loud to me. It was one of the best weekends I have ever had. I am happy I have started to embrace large groups of people and getting to know the young people from my church. It's great to have people interested in the same things as me. To have Jesus as the common denominator in our relationships is better than any other mutual interest.

lessons from the lonliness

I am in quite the mood this morning. Quite the good mood, actually. It's strange because I had a ridiculously emotion-filled night last night however I am feeling mighty good this fine morning. I don't know if it’s the caribou coffee (that I am drinking and not freaking out about drinking), Jesus being awesome, or something else entirely.

I have realized a few important things. First, my parents are in California for a few days meaning I am very much alone right now. It is at times like these that I don't have many distractions and my emotions come out to play, and I learned a few things last night. Crushes on boys don't mean you are over and moved on from previous relationships, the enemy (aka Satan)will try and make you feel guilty, lowly and alone when you have no one turn to (physically) in your emotional times, and Jesus in those times totally rules. I pulled a "David" last night. You know, King David. Old Testament style. If you read the first 20 or so Psalms you find David crying out to God, "Do not forget me in these times, have mercy on me for I am Your loving child, although my enemies try and defeat me I will cry out to You to save me."

I did that last night. I cried for a good 2 hours, and then all of a sudden something snapped in me. I said to God, "No way will the enemy defeat me here. He will not let me feel guilty and alone because I am loved by You. Have mercy on me; teach me Your ways because I have given you the irrevocable rights to my life. Change my heart to be like Yours."

And after I made the decision to stop feeling sorry for myself, and cried out to God all of a sudden the tears that I was crying dried up. I went up to my room, read my bible, rocked out to some music and feel asleep. And for once I did this on my own. I did what I needed to do with the grace of God by myself. Instead of calling my dad or Nora I dealt with it. It was a good lesson to learn—that although we have people we can lean on sometimes we do need to do what we need spiritually ourselves.

choosing Number One

I have found a new joy in sitting at coffee shops for an extended period of time by myself. I got an IPOD Shuffle for Christmas and I hadn't been getting much use out of it because I wanted it for riding purposes. However I put a bunch of really good worship music on it, and lately I have been sitting at Starbucks, Dunn Brothers or School of the Wise and rocking out while reading a good book or the bible.

I have also been reading my bible every night before I go to bed—only missing one night since I started doing that. Keep in mind I am not the most motivated of people so for me to be committed enough every night to set aside some time to read the bible is a major feat for me. It's always hard to decide where in the bible to start reading if you don't make it a regular part of your life so I decided that I wanted to learn more about Jesus so Matthew seemed like a good place to start. I am reading the King James Version and (watch me put my foot in my mouth now...) for once in my life I wish it wasn't the King James. I have no problem reading text in KJV however when it's dialogue that's a different story. And obviously the book of Matthew has a lot of Jesus talking so it's tough. However I like it because it allows my brain to get some much needed exercise.

I feel like I haven’t really blogged about relationships lately. Maybe a little bit here and there, but nothing in depth or hardcore. Maybe that is good because that means that I am not focusing on that in my life—and I think that is slightly true. See, God instilled in me the desire to be married however marriage is just a slave to relationship. Marriage isn't the end result because if it was then what would 2 people in love do after they get married? I have been learning this more and more everyday. I have been avoiding the relationship blogging mostly because I am not the person who wants to bad mouth my ex's. I've done that enough in this life. They all were good guys and deserve good reputations and I hope in no way to shed them in a negative light. With that said, here's some relationship blogging.... *muah* (that's for you Nora).

Jesus is my number one. I am learning to be satisfied in my singleness. Not one person will be satisfied in a relationship until they are satisfied in their singleness. Before my most recent relationship I was learning what it was like to be okay with being single and now I have come to realize that the second I got into that relationship I clung to it—forgetting to embrace my singleness. I made the relationship big in my eyes, and yes in reality that does need to happen in relationships especially if they are heading towards marriage but not one person can ever get so invested in another person until after your wedding vows are literally exchanged. That is when you lay down your life and serve that person through the love of Jesus. For me to expect another person to be "it" for me, is to put that person before Jesus and God instead of putting them in their rightful place—second. I am now actively practicing putting guys in second place to God. See, as my mom likes to put it I am "boy crazy". I can't help it, I am attracted to guys. I have crushes. I "ogle" men (ogle like google, MarthaJoy?). There is one guy (who will remain nameless and details will from where I know him will not be said because it's not needed) who just recently entered my life who I have the biggest crush on (I have for a really long time, actually but it was one of those "from a distance" kind of things because he had no idea I existed). We are involved in some Ministry-Jesus-Stuff together. I have been making the active and conscious decision that when I go to this Ministry stuff to be checking my heart at the door. Praying to the Lord "Make my heart right. That I am here for You and not for a boy." Because as cool as it would be to date this guy (because he totally loves Jesus) first of all I want God's will to be done in my life. I want to do His work and put Him first in my life. And every time I pray to God to make my heart right and aimed at Him going into that ministry stuff with this guy is so much better because I know my motives to be there are for the Lord and I am not focusing my life on a man.

That is what it takes. An active and conscious decision and satisfaction that the Lord is better and greater than any worldly relationship. Not to belittle those relationships or to make them seem worthless but when we become so caught up in those relationships we forget who our Number One should be—and that is God through His son who died for us, Jesus.

Something Sweet is Born

So I was not super excited about MarthaJoy and Nora's leaving this summer, untill I took iniciative and got super involved at my church. So here's the story. I really want to get to know people my age. I didn't really go to school right out of highschool so I never got to be part of the college-social-scene. I didn't have a lot of friends growing up so all in all I have had a lack of people my own age. Just over a week ago a guy from my church called me up and said a bunch of people were going over to the Ministry House (affiliated with my church, City Hill) to hang out. I am not one to go to something like that by myself, however I was aquainted with a lot of the people who were going to be there so I though, "hey, why not? What's stopping me?" I stepped out of my comfort zone and hey, I actually made some new friends. And they are the type of people that love Jesus enough to make right choices (well, not all the time. No one's perfect!) Either way, I have had it on my heart to get something going at my church aimed at young people. 20-somethings, if you will. See we have a ministry for college students affiliated with the church, but what about the kids that don't go to college, or stick around the Twin Cities for school? What do they have to feed their spiritual hunger after they ditch youth group? So out of that hunger a new Young Adults Ministry at City Hill Fellowship is being birthed. I am way excited about it. God has a heart to do this at my church and He has instilled that desire within a few key players and now the ball is rolling.

This summer is pretty much going to be the sweetest. I'll be doing worship every other weekend, Young Adults stuff, Mountain Biking, ahh. It is the greatest. God is good.

My First Ride!

So I went for my first bike ride of the season tonight. I mean I guess it's not really my first since I rode a bit in the winter--but I didn't ride much and it sure felt like my first ride. I went 9 miles. Not very long, but definatly long enough being that my mono isn't totally out of my system yet (I'd say I am sitting at a 96%). I took my track bike out to Victoria and met my friend Kevin for dinner at School of the Wise (aka glorious food. Holy crap it was so good).

I also found out today that Penn Cycle will be putting on their Buck Hill MTB races this year. I am excited because I wanted to try those out last year. And, I have my first Mountain Bike Patrol on Sunday April 29th at the Iron Man Bicycle Ride. So I am just a busy kind of girl. It feels good to be getting back into the swing of things. The month of March was a kind of a dud. I had made some indefinate plans on some of the weekends that ended up not happening for circumstances that don't matter now... either way I had a lot of time to do stuff but nothing to fill that time with in March. Finally now in April my life is getting back to how it was around November or December of 2006. It's nice to fill my time--and finally I am not filling it out of lonliness but because I desire to do the things I am doing. You are only young once, and God wants to do things without life, and to impact His kingdom in our singleness--so I've decided to embrace it.

A Wednesday

Yesterday was a ridiculously sucessfuly day. This may seem petty to you who are reading this, however I think it's worth writting about.

actually, I'm just bored and passing time at work. It's probably not worth your reading efforts.

I took a 27 minute lunch break yesterday. And in those 27 minutes I proceeded to go to the mall, try on 2 pairs of jeans and a shirt, then bought one of those two pairs of jeans and the shirt, went to startbucks where I ordered an Iced Grande Tripple Mocha (for Thom in Accounting, haha) and a Tall 2 pump no-water Chai and drove back to the office. 27 minutes. That is pretty fast if you ask me. I pride myself in that kindof speed.

So I still havn't heard from the new job yet. I am going to call them today and put a little bug in their ear. It's busy in the cycling world right now so I don't expect to be first priority at said company. I am however ready—really, really ready to get out of my current job.

As some of you may know I am a worship leader at my local church. Here is the catch tho; I'm not an official leader. I was in the "try out" stage where the pastors and elders of the church watch me and decide if I have what it takes to be an official worship leader. That stage, the watching stage is supposed to last 4 months, at least for me. Stu, the worship and community life pastor at my church called me yesterday and sat my down in his office after I was done working. He went to his white board and said to me "if you could have your ideal worship team, who would make it up?" So I told him. He then told me, "You and Judah will be leading worship full time for the summer. You will be leading every other weekend. You've been given the go-ahead to be a full time wordhip leader in the church." Uhm, sweet? It hasn't been 4 months. It's only been like 1.5 or 2 months. I am really, really excited. But even more than that it is just really good. That good feeling of spending months at the feet of Jesus becoming who you are supposed to be, and then stepping into your destiny. It's just really good.

I applied to school yesterday. We'll see how that goes down..... lots of waiting to hear back from sent out applications in my life right now.

see, yesterday was a sucess. PLUS! I did my laundry.

One of the greater sermons I have heard on dating and relationships was found here. Pastor Aaron Stern of New Life Church spoke on dating for a while. Go to The Mill's (their young adults group) section of the web page for podcasts of the sermons. I love Mark Driscoll however I don't know if his interpretation of the bible is always as accurate as it should be. He's just a bit too conservative. Not that God doesn't want us to live holy and devoted life's for Him—because He does; however there God doesn't live in a box. This sermon gives some really good guidelines that are much more practicle than any other sermon I've heard.

Plus—it's freaking funny.

Back to the Everyday Grind

I am tired. Like, really tired. The alarm went off at 6:10am... however my clock is 15 minutes fast so it was really 5:55am. I turned the alarm off. The second alarm went off at 6:30... slash 6:15. I turned that one off. I rolled out of bed at what the clock said was 6:45.

aka, 6:30.

Boo. Back to the full time job. Back to the normal everyday life I lead. No more sleeping in untill 10 am. No more laying on the couch for ten days straight. I like to think that I am at a 94% rate of well-being. The mono isn't completely gone. I am still tired a lot. I can sometimes feel my heart working really hard. It's strange. I might take a nap on my lunch break.

I hope I find out about that new job I applied for soon. That would be sweet action.

I Think the Time Has Come.

For the past few months things have been shifting in my life. Shifts are good. They are a sign of our evolution as a people. See, a little under a year ago I started a job here at the Minneapolis Area Association of REALTORS® and was perfectly fine with it. I enjoyed my job and was eager to learn new things here. I got hired as a receptionist because what I really wanted to do was be able to pay the bills and do something linear (i.e., take phone calls, make copies, sort mail—those sorts of things). I was also at the time learning what it is to be okay with just soaking up all that God has for me. So having this job and not being in a leadership position at City Hill Fellowship fit. I was okay with just—being.

In my spiritual life I was slowly being moved into a leadership position. After a period of 8 or so months I was finally ready to start stepping into my destiny—being first and foremost a worshipper of the living God and also learning what it is to become a worship leader for a church congregation. Things started to shift. Over the course of 8 or 9 months of working at the association I started doing work for the Marketing & Communications department. I found out what I want to do with my life in terms of a career and suddenly MARCOM was talking about a possible position in their deptarment, full time. I was ridiculously excited because I desired to move up in the company. It felt like another shift in my life. One friday my boss, the two MARCOM folks and the president and CEO of the company decided to have some closed door chats about me and my moving to MARCOM.

I got the shaft.

They encouraged me to go back to school (which I don't think is wrong in the least) however pretty much said "you don't have a degree in Marketing so you can't work in that department." I was heart broken. My heart was set on that promotion. I wanted so badly to be doing what I loved to do—working in MARCOM and I was pretty much told that unless I go to school I won't ever be put into that department. The shift I thought was going to happen didn't. And I suddenly wanted to be out of this place. The lack of promotion has in fact fueled me to want to go back to school to get a Graphic Design degree with an emphasis on Pagelayout and Typography and plans are to do that in the fall. But everyday more and more I feel like I am getting pulled into other departments that I don't want to be in here. I am getting stuck doing what I don't want to do. Sometimes it even feels like punishment. I don't want to be stuck here.

Today I am feeling lead by the spirit to start looking for a new job. I know exactly where I want to work, I know they are hiring and I feel like the time has come to start that process. Tonight when I get home I will fill out the application, send that with my resume to said job and... wait. I am feeling really led by God in this decision, and I have already talked to my parents about it and they agree that it might be time to move on.

I think the time has come.

Jumping From One to the Next, eh?

I guess I need a new blog. I havn't really blogged since monday and it's thursday! Been too busy to I guess. Or maybe nothing has been going on.

oh that's not true LOTS have happened in the past few days.

Thursday is date day. Went on a lunch date. It was a good one. Won't go into much detail because eh, I don't really feel like it. But let me tell you this. Guys, when you take a girl out you don't have to be witty the entire time. Unless you are just trying to get in her pants—that's a different story (and a dead give-away) but if you are genuinely interested then act like you are.

Tonight I am going to hang out with Paul. I will probably sit in his room and watch him play with Adobe Illustrator, but honestly that is one of the best ways to spend a thursday night! I like Paul. He is a genuine kinda guy.

I have decided that I don't think I want to really be in a relationship right now. I feel like I have just been jumping from one to the next to the next. When I was in highschool I was single for most of it. Now that I've been out of highschool for a while I feel like all I have been in is relationships. Now is the time to embrace my singleness so why-freaking-not? Yea, I'll go on a lunch date here and there but when it comes down to it I don't want anything serious. Serious always nipps me in the butt, you know? It always comes back to haunt you. So again I go back to this stage where if I meet someone worth being serious with I might go for it—but I'll be darn careful. I am sick of mistakes. I am sick of not getting what I deserve in a serious relationship. It's time for a change. Maybe that sounds cocky or strong willed, and it may be a little bit of both but I am honest about it.

So I leave bright and early tomorrow morning for Colorado. I am soooooo excited. Nora, MarthaJoy and I will be hitting the road bright and early at 6:00 am! We are staying for free at my uncles in Parker, CO and they will be out of town so we have the house all to ourselves. We are going to do a day in the Springs and a day in Denver then drive Nora into Arvada where she will be doing a 4 Month DTS with YWAM. I am so excited for her. God is going to do some amazing things in her and with her in these next months. It's funny because I feel like my girls (MarthaJoy and Nora) always leave me to go and do these amazing things in the summer—and I mean they do—but I will be here in Minnesota doing some amazing things myself. This summer will be fun for all of us, I am just so pleased to be driving Nora out to the start of her new adventure and spending those last moments with her. She and MarthaJoy are in fact my two best friends so this should be an amazing trip. Keep a look out for a photo blog!

out.