John Mark McMillan; The Song Inside the Sound of Breaking Down

just got the John Mark McMillan Cd in the mail... holy goodness. So much truth in it. It's a wonderful mix of folk-rock that makes you want to drive down a dirt road, windows down, blasting the music and weeping at the truth found in it. It is provacative and the heart behind it is something that the mainstream-western-church is in desperate need of.

favorite song so far....

Closer

Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me bleedin'
cause I need more now than a fairy tale,
a god who lives in a book.
I need someone real.

So would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?

Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me on my knees,
cause I need more now than philosophy.
Some god in outer space doesn't mean anything to me.

So would you come?
Would you come?
If I begged you, would you come closer to me now?
Would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?

Son of David, do not pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.
Son of david, don't pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.

http://www.reverbnation.com/johnmarkmcmillan
go there and listen to it. Oofda (that was so Minnesotain of me...)

I'm keeping it light, today.

If you are a cyclist, you might appreciate this...

"While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium." http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com

politics meet faith and values?

I decided today would be the day that I start checking in on the 2008 presidential candidates. I have just been poking around on Yahoo! NEWS. I don't know nearly enough about any of the candidates, so each day I think I will go onto every candidates web page and take a look through their issues, and then find some information about them from a non-biased source.

Today is Barak Obama.

I watched his speech on politics and religion and he said some things that were right on, however he also said some things that were way, way off. There is grace for that. Not any one presidential candidate will be 100% right... it will just be interesting to find the one who has the general "gist" of balanced politics.

as some of you know, I am into graphic design, photography, marketing and communication. I get particularly frustrated when a church has terrible marketing and communication. I ran across this web page today.... check it out.

drum roll please...... I would like to announce my acceptance to St. Stephens University's affiliated program; The Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies.

The school is located in New Brunswick, Canada. The program is 1 year, and the certificate recived is applicable to another 3 years at SSU. Class starts September 6!

So hey everyone... I'm moving to the east coast in August!

rip angelina

Angelina, the name of my car (named after Angelina Jolie) got sandwiched between 2 cars today on highway 62 west bound.

RIP Angelina, you were good to me for almost a year. We'll see if you can be revived once the insurance agent takes a nice, long look under your hood.

doctrine, eh?

By this all people will know you are my disciples, by our doctrine.

opps wait, let's re-think that.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:34-35

I have been reading different church's doctrine for the past few days. Where in the bible does it say that we have to hold strong to this perfect doctrine? Don't get me wrong it is important to have a statement of faith but no one has the perfect doctrine. Not one church that I can think of, not one doctrine that I have read. Each one tho, has had peices of what I have found to be true of our Father in heaven. That is encouraging.

I think the apostle Paul would be really, really angry at us right now. If he saw how we are taking his letters, which are really just his testimony to what he knows to be true of the living God, and splitting his words, fighting over them and making them this doctrinal thing he probably wouldn't have even written them. I can only imagine what type of letter he would be writting to the church today. And who said that the bible is this almighty thing we are supposed to fallow? Wait, rethink that. I know and believe the bible to be true, and it is God given to us for a purpose. But the New Testiment isn't over. We are the New Testiment. The "bible" ie testimony of God's faithfulness to us, isn't done being written. Each and every one of us is writting our testimony as we fallow God when he speaks to us. Paul wasn't looking at the old testiment (at least not often since it was tough to get your hands on a scroll) as he wrote his letters to the churchs however many years ago. He was hearing from God. Because yes, we have a God that speaks.

God affirms us through the bible, but He also says things that can't be found in the bible. Example would be me saying, "Hey God, I really want to get that 2003 pontiac vibe. Is that cool?" If God only said things that are found in the bible it would go something like this... "_______________." Yea He would say nothing because there arn't cars in the bible. But here's the thing... just because it cant be found in the bible doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Scary, isn't it? God is a black and white God, but we live in a grey world that we have to allow Him to speak into. There are things now that weren't found back when Paul was around. God is the same God but we are a different time, and He will speak to us. If we hold onto this "only if it's in the bible thing" then we are missing what God might have for us, and really we are just guessing. But if we fallow what Jesus says in the gospel of John "my sheep will hear My voice" we will begin to come into the fullness of what our Father in heaven has for us.

So let's get rid of this doctrinal thing. Let's love God, desire to hear Him (or ask Him to instill in us a desire to hear Him) and love eachother. Let's fallow the things He speaks to us, whether that be through the bible or through His voice unto our hearts.

in us, through us, despite us

"He’s working in us and through us despite us. " – Nate Streed

This is something I am coming to terms with in my life. God is working in us and through us despite us. Despite our slugish ways, we are His vessels. Just broken ones. But as Jim Erickson said a few weeks back in his sermon at City Hill, "There is no plan b. We're it."

Something for you to ponder today. Not everyone is right in their thinking or theology. As a matter of fact I can assure you that most of us are wrong—but God has grace for that. We are it, despite how much we suck a majority of the time He uses us to teach others, and to teach ourselves through His Holy Spirit. And what a good God He is.

And on another note that relates back to that.... take a look at these cartoons I got from Dan Kimball via Dan Wilt's Blog. Pretty interesting... food for thought.

some cool photos

These are a few of the photos I took on Mothers day... I thought I'd share them with you all.

Dan Wilt posts some really interesting stuff on his blog. I have been reading it a lot latley.

check this out.

ridding ourselves of the line

I go through music phases. One day I will be listening to primarily christian worship albums—nothing overly exciting, just the usual. Then, I get into a stage of listening to secular music. What I find disheartening about music, and society is general is this vast need for terminology and segregation. Why can't music just be music? Why does there have to be this split? There is so much awesome-spiritual-music out there by people who are considered "secular artist", and there is that line that divides "us from them". God asks us to be set apart, but He also asks us to be part of this world. In the world but not of it.

I personally want my music to minister to everyone, not something contingent on a person’s spiritual journey. And if you think about it, every person in the world is on a spiritual journey. There is no segregating line. All that is black and white is whether we are actively choosing God, or actively choosing everything but God, and in that we are set apart.

I am seeing more and more today this line of segregation. "Let's go out and save the heathens." We all are heathens. There need not be a line drawn in the sand. Maybe there is a stage of our spiritual walk where we are called to be in close community with other believes a majority of our time (and by no means am I saying that it is wrong to be in close community with people who share your values, beliefs and spiritual fervor) but there is another time where we are set apart to be in the world but not of the world. To rid ourselves of that line and embrace humanity in the beauty of its brokenness.

I went for a ride at lebanon last night. I really dig riding by myself. I find that place of solitude and peace even if there are other riders out there. I ran into my ex—kindof. It's good to know there are no hard feelings there. It is true proof that God does heal your heart in though situations.

I have to exercise a degree of self controll at work these days. They unblocked myspace, youtube, facebook, et al and I have this desperate urge to start logging into all my accounts at work. They unblocked them but are still monitoring our use of them because God forbid we actually have the slightest bit of entertainment while at work. However I am trying to be a bit more respectful while on my way out the door here at my job. It's just a matter of months and then I will be flying high, spreading my wings and doing my own thing (and getting a tattoo to match).

More details to come later.

what's up with all this terminology?

ter·mi·nol·o·gy (tûr'mə-nŏl'ə-jē) Pronunciation Key n. pl. ter·mi·nol·o·gies The vocabulary of technical terms used in a particular field, subject, science, or art; nomenclature.

Churches these days are full of what I call the "system". This is disheartening to me because this said "system" puts a lot of things in a box. God doesn't like boxes. Jesus fought against this same system. However on the other hand, terminology is used in the most basic means of communication. You wouldn't really understand what I was typing if we didn't put it in terms that make sense to you. So where is that line drawn?

I just watched a video on the Missional Church Movement and the Emergent vs. Emerging Churches. In the western culture church there are too many terms to be put up next to a church. Missional, Emergent, Reformed, Reformed-Charismatic, Emerging. When did it become so important to make a church just one of these things? I submit to you that the church today is maybe supposed to be all of these things. That we do focus on God being a sovereign and supreme being who is the author and finisher of our lives, that he does desire us to move with His Holy Spirit in an outward expression (charismatic, if you will), that He does desire us to be community oriented or "missional"... the ideal church should be all of these things, and more. So why give a church just one term? Why just one name?

First of all... just look at these photos... and then imagine living in a place that has all of this stuff...... Maybe you have never experianced this—but have you ever made plans to do something, told everyone about those plans and then backed out of doing them? Well I have. So that is why I am leary of mentioning anything more about these photos. I am however looking into a school, and I really want to go but I am not sure about it. However I will keep dreaming, praying and thinking about it.... untill then I will lovingly stair at these photos.

knowledge of the heart

It's been a while since I've posted, hasn't it? I've been busy.

Okay okay maybe not, I just havn't had much to blog about. I'm trying to keep this blog "about" something, and I havn't had much to report in the department of christian theology, or worship. I'm just living life. There is a lot on my plate at the moment about what I will be doing and where I will be living within the next few months but nothing is official so I don't want to make a big fuss about it only to backout at the last second. let's just say the engines are churning and something sweet is being cooked up.

I am officially over my crush. It's a good feeling, actually. Now I can totally focus on Jesus without having a guy get in the way. And sometimes as unfortunate as it is dorky, no-big-deal crushes on guys after a breakup help the mending process. I wish that Jesus could be enough of a help to that process, but at times I avert my attention to another guy so I don't think about the ex so much, avert but don't act. But now, I don't think about the ex much nor do I even care about mr. crush-boaz-jesus lover. It's good. I'm happy in my singleness. It's the right place for me. I have so much I am going to do while I am single that God couldn't do if I was married.

I am learning that life is about the journey, not the destination. Cliche', right? Well no matter how cheesey and cliche' it sounds—it's truth. I am so tunnel visioned. I get so focused on the outcome of something, and getting to that outcome that I miss what it takes to get there. I now have the head knowledge drilled into me; it's good to have goals but we can't forget the now. So now I am learning to make it a reality not just a theory that I know in my head. And even more, I need it to turn even more into knowledge of the heart.

Ministry vs. Market Place

I have this never ending urge in my heart to be a worshipper. It came out of my heart at age seven. I can remember it clear as day. I walked into church, and it was real worship of the living God. People were worshipping in spirit and in truth, and even at seven something clicked in me and I heard God call me by name to a lifestyle of worship.

Worship unto God is a posture of your heart. It isn't the music that you play, the cd's you listen to, the songs you sing in church. Those things are just our foul attempt at worshipping the living God.

"Worship is not simply an external act, though the expression of it can and should be very physical, but comes from our center. Worship can be defined as our spirit surrendering to and communing with God's Spirit. To worship in truth is to know who God truly is..."
Brian Doerksen, Vineyard Worshipper and Worship Leader

Since I was young I felt a calling not only of worship, but to be a worship leader on my life. For the longest time I wanted to do that as a "career" if you will. That feeling, the wanting to be a worship missionary—to go to places and minister to hurt and broken people through music still lingers in my soul. I desire that as my life more and more. How does one attain that? Do I drop everything and go to school for worship leading? Do I stick around here, minister at my local church and see where God takes me? Do I go to school for something "market place-oriented" and have a secular career while still doing ministry on the side? These are the struggles of my day—to hear God's clear voice in this all and do His will for my life.

the day to day

I am finding the joy in the little things. Emails from friends, rocking out to music in my car. Playing the piano. Breathing the springtime air when I open the side door at work to put the mail outside, my dog. God can be found in all these things. He gives us these things because He loves us. It says in the bible that every good and perfect gift comes from His hand (James 1:17), and these things that I am learning to enjoy—those small things, I am loving and thanking Him for. I am especially thankful for all the new friendship I have encountered as of late. I am reaching out to people who I don't know but have always wanted to know and it is great. God is doing a good work in me through that.

I am preparing to play a worship set at the truebridge pastors conference in two days. Not only that but I am kicking the conference off. I am trying to not make it a big deal in my head but in my heart it feels like a lot of weight to be put on my shoulders. I sometimes doubt my abilities as a worship leader. Things have been off lately however today I found myself asking God to give me a life of worship, quite literally. I would rather just live from day to day on what God gives to me, travel around the world and minister to hurt and broken people through worship. I would rather do that for the rest of my life than go back to school. Although school is good, sometimes it doesn't feel like it has much eternal value. However me saying that will only put God in a box. I want to only desire to do what He wants me to do.

Still working on the crush thing. There is a man, who is a Boaz. But I am fixing my eyes on Jesus and you know what? It's working. It doesn't mean that I don't have that crush still, because I do, however I am not sold out to it and I still continually check my heart on it. I am not going to be the pursuer. If this guy is someone worth being my someone then in God's timing he will pursue me and until then, if then rather, I am learning that Jesus is more than enough.

i've made the transition

Sometimes I look at the reformed–charismatic movement and think "it's just a fad." It is in fact a fad. However that doesn't mean there isn't truth to be found within it. I love City Hill Fellowship because it is slightly reformed, charismatic and not afraid to move where the Holy Spirit leads the church. City Hill is becoming more and more well balanced with every passing day. So, I am not one for fads, and with the reformed–charismatic movement came the ESV Translated bible. After spending much time in prayer over whether or not I should make the switch from KJV to the ESV I finally did it. I didn't want to do it to fallow the fad, but I didn't want to not fallow the fad if it is something that I should do. So I did it. I bought an ESV Bible. I like it a lot and I am very excited to study out of it regularly.

This past weekend was a blast. Friday night I made enchiladas for Zach, Nathaniel and Seth. Then us four as well as Karen and Charlie sat around and talked about the young adult movement and where we are going to go next. We decided that by this Friday we were going to have a name to slap onto our once or twice a month meeting. I'm excited to see what we come up with. After that Zach, Nathaniel, Seth and I prayed for each other and I went home only to go to bed at about 3:00 am. Saturday I hung out with MarthaJoy a majority of the day and then she went with me to karaoke night at the Gills with a bunch of people from Prepare Ministries. It was pretty fun and we may have sung Mmboy and These Boots are Made for Walking. Sunday I woke up bright and early and led worship at church (which went really, really well). I got a word from former Senior Pastor Jim McCracken, which was pretty sweet. I then went over to Zach's where he, Karen, Charlie, Lisa, Nathaniel, Matt, Bonnie and I ate lunch together, played some ultimate frisbee (in the pouring rain), ate some ice cream, talked theology, everyone but Zach, Nathaniel and I left so we embraced MNT (Mutual Nap Time) while Zach read from The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer out loud to me. It was one of the best weekends I have ever had. I am happy I have started to embrace large groups of people and getting to know the young people from my church. It's great to have people interested in the same things as me. To have Jesus as the common denominator in our relationships is better than any other mutual interest.

lessons from the lonliness

I am in quite the mood this morning. Quite the good mood, actually. It's strange because I had a ridiculously emotion-filled night last night however I am feeling mighty good this fine morning. I don't know if it’s the caribou coffee (that I am drinking and not freaking out about drinking), Jesus being awesome, or something else entirely.

I have realized a few important things. First, my parents are in California for a few days meaning I am very much alone right now. It is at times like these that I don't have many distractions and my emotions come out to play, and I learned a few things last night. Crushes on boys don't mean you are over and moved on from previous relationships, the enemy (aka Satan)will try and make you feel guilty, lowly and alone when you have no one turn to (physically) in your emotional times, and Jesus in those times totally rules. I pulled a "David" last night. You know, King David. Old Testament style. If you read the first 20 or so Psalms you find David crying out to God, "Do not forget me in these times, have mercy on me for I am Your loving child, although my enemies try and defeat me I will cry out to You to save me."

I did that last night. I cried for a good 2 hours, and then all of a sudden something snapped in me. I said to God, "No way will the enemy defeat me here. He will not let me feel guilty and alone because I am loved by You. Have mercy on me; teach me Your ways because I have given you the irrevocable rights to my life. Change my heart to be like Yours."

And after I made the decision to stop feeling sorry for myself, and cried out to God all of a sudden the tears that I was crying dried up. I went up to my room, read my bible, rocked out to some music and feel asleep. And for once I did this on my own. I did what I needed to do with the grace of God by myself. Instead of calling my dad or Nora I dealt with it. It was a good lesson to learn—that although we have people we can lean on sometimes we do need to do what we need spiritually ourselves.

I'm gong to pee my pants.

Lebanon is officially opened for 2007! I don't care how much mono is left in my body, or how swollen my liver still is... I will be mountain biking for the rest of the week--hands down.