implosions

I had an implosion last night.

Is that how you spell impolsion?

Either way.... I internalize everything. I am the master at not talking about things. And then when I don't talk about them, they turn into this big, ugly feeling in the pit of my stomache. That feeling remains for lets say, 2 weeks. See, the reason why it hangs out for so long.

I try and do it on my own. I try and deal with my feelings on my own. Or well, not deal with my feelings. I try and ignore them.

It's weird because i appreciate people who are blunt yet I can't really be too blunt myself. It's the persona of me not wanting to step on peoples toes. I don't want to be a disapointment.

My dad said it well last night (during my implosion), "Every day you will have to choose 'who am i going to disapoint today', because when it all comes down to it, you cant please everyone."

So I tried to work through my own irrational-anxiety-filled issues for a whole 2 weeks without really talking about them, and I then imploded.

it was fun! and by fun I mean it totally, totally sucked.