Do you ever feel like you've wasted time? Like, you could be doing things differently? I am not one to have regrets but I have found some reasons to have them as of late. I don't want to waste anyone’s time. I want to make right choices the first time—not make mistakes only to find that they're just that—a mistake. I told myself I was done with that—the whole making wrong choices thing. Yet I find myself immersed in that again; but not by choice. The mistake wasn't mine. Was it really even a mistake?
Have you ever made what you know is a right choice, and other parties involved made the wrong choice and you are left out to dry? Yea, that's the wrong choice I am talking about. The one that makes you regret making that initial first right choice. It's crazy and confusing, the whole 180 degree effect. It makes you feel lost. That feeling of not being able to grasp what happened. That you can't fix it. That it ultimately has little to do with you.
In an effort to forgive I have deprived myself of brokenness. The one thing that really makes me what I am I have lost. It's a strange feeling. I am trying to find that balance, now being in a leadership position at my church. The balance of shepherding 200+ people in worship when your heart hurts. How do you put yourself aside for the greater good of what God wants to do in the congregation? How do you remain true to yourself in that? How do you let the tears flow without feeling guilty for not being stronger?
The Burn Band says it quiet well...
Have mercy.
I need Your life.
You are the source.
You are my light.
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