choosing Number One

I have found a new joy in sitting at coffee shops for an extended period of time by myself. I got an IPOD Shuffle for Christmas and I hadn't been getting much use out of it because I wanted it for riding purposes. However I put a bunch of really good worship music on it, and lately I have been sitting at Starbucks, Dunn Brothers or School of the Wise and rocking out while reading a good book or the bible.

I have also been reading my bible every night before I go to bed—only missing one night since I started doing that. Keep in mind I am not the most motivated of people so for me to be committed enough every night to set aside some time to read the bible is a major feat for me. It's always hard to decide where in the bible to start reading if you don't make it a regular part of your life so I decided that I wanted to learn more about Jesus so Matthew seemed like a good place to start. I am reading the King James Version and (watch me put my foot in my mouth now...) for once in my life I wish it wasn't the King James. I have no problem reading text in KJV however when it's dialogue that's a different story. And obviously the book of Matthew has a lot of Jesus talking so it's tough. However I like it because it allows my brain to get some much needed exercise.

I feel like I haven’t really blogged about relationships lately. Maybe a little bit here and there, but nothing in depth or hardcore. Maybe that is good because that means that I am not focusing on that in my life—and I think that is slightly true. See, God instilled in me the desire to be married however marriage is just a slave to relationship. Marriage isn't the end result because if it was then what would 2 people in love do after they get married? I have been learning this more and more everyday. I have been avoiding the relationship blogging mostly because I am not the person who wants to bad mouth my ex's. I've done that enough in this life. They all were good guys and deserve good reputations and I hope in no way to shed them in a negative light. With that said, here's some relationship blogging.... *muah* (that's for you Nora).

Jesus is my number one. I am learning to be satisfied in my singleness. Not one person will be satisfied in a relationship until they are satisfied in their singleness. Before my most recent relationship I was learning what it was like to be okay with being single and now I have come to realize that the second I got into that relationship I clung to it—forgetting to embrace my singleness. I made the relationship big in my eyes, and yes in reality that does need to happen in relationships especially if they are heading towards marriage but not one person can ever get so invested in another person until after your wedding vows are literally exchanged. That is when you lay down your life and serve that person through the love of Jesus. For me to expect another person to be "it" for me, is to put that person before Jesus and God instead of putting them in their rightful place—second. I am now actively practicing putting guys in second place to God. See, as my mom likes to put it I am "boy crazy". I can't help it, I am attracted to guys. I have crushes. I "ogle" men (ogle like google, MarthaJoy?). There is one guy (who will remain nameless and details will from where I know him will not be said because it's not needed) who just recently entered my life who I have the biggest crush on (I have for a really long time, actually but it was one of those "from a distance" kind of things because he had no idea I existed). We are involved in some Ministry-Jesus-Stuff together. I have been making the active and conscious decision that when I go to this Ministry stuff to be checking my heart at the door. Praying to the Lord "Make my heart right. That I am here for You and not for a boy." Because as cool as it would be to date this guy (because he totally loves Jesus) first of all I want God's will to be done in my life. I want to do His work and put Him first in my life. And every time I pray to God to make my heart right and aimed at Him going into that ministry stuff with this guy is so much better because I know my motives to be there are for the Lord and I am not focusing my life on a man.

That is what it takes. An active and conscious decision and satisfaction that the Lord is better and greater than any worldly relationship. Not to belittle those relationships or to make them seem worthless but when we become so caught up in those relationships we forget who our Number One should be—and that is God through His son who died for us, Jesus.