lessons from the lonliness

I am in quite the mood this morning. Quite the good mood, actually. It's strange because I had a ridiculously emotion-filled night last night however I am feeling mighty good this fine morning. I don't know if it’s the caribou coffee (that I am drinking and not freaking out about drinking), Jesus being awesome, or something else entirely.

I have realized a few important things. First, my parents are in California for a few days meaning I am very much alone right now. It is at times like these that I don't have many distractions and my emotions come out to play, and I learned a few things last night. Crushes on boys don't mean you are over and moved on from previous relationships, the enemy (aka Satan)will try and make you feel guilty, lowly and alone when you have no one turn to (physically) in your emotional times, and Jesus in those times totally rules. I pulled a "David" last night. You know, King David. Old Testament style. If you read the first 20 or so Psalms you find David crying out to God, "Do not forget me in these times, have mercy on me for I am Your loving child, although my enemies try and defeat me I will cry out to You to save me."

I did that last night. I cried for a good 2 hours, and then all of a sudden something snapped in me. I said to God, "No way will the enemy defeat me here. He will not let me feel guilty and alone because I am loved by You. Have mercy on me; teach me Your ways because I have given you the irrevocable rights to my life. Change my heart to be like Yours."

And after I made the decision to stop feeling sorry for myself, and cried out to God all of a sudden the tears that I was crying dried up. I went up to my room, read my bible, rocked out to some music and feel asleep. And for once I did this on my own. I did what I needed to do with the grace of God by myself. Instead of calling my dad or Nora I dealt with it. It was a good lesson to learn—that although we have people we can lean on sometimes we do need to do what we need spiritually ourselves.